written by Christopher James
The rules, and I hesitate to use that word, are in a particularly unhelpful chronological order, tacked on as and when they occurred to the listmaker. Some are very personal to me whilst others are thrown out to the world at large. The list is by no means exhaustive, though it exhausted me!
Maybe you agree with some, and disagree with others. About two thirds of them are pretty serious and the remaining third are good for a giggle and little more. I think number 21 is one of the big ones, and I know I want to try and start bringing a lot more of that into my writing. So reaching 21 could be a pretty life changing moment for some of you. You know who you are.
- Don't use humour in a sad story unless the humour adds to the effect you want to achieve, and vice versa. A funeral scene might make your fart joke hilarious, but a fart joke is unlikely to make your funeral scene heartbreaking. (Note: This is not always true. It was pretty heartbreaking when my Uncle Joe thought it would be funny to tickle the pallbearers carrying my Aunt Stella to the church.)
- Ambiguity is not subtlety.
- Having a character stare at something for a couple of seconds cannot replace internal thought unless you do it very well.
- Efficiency.
- …is great but sometimes less is less. Don't lose clarity.
- Throwing a disabled person into a story (a la four weddings) can be a cheap trick to manipulate sympathy—so do more of that.
- Just kidding. People's reactions to the disabled are interesting, though, especially since many people are not themselves often around disabled people and don't know how to behave.
- If your readers are going to want to know something, maybe you should let them know. I recently wrote a beautiful love story set in rural Tennessee during the time of the Great Depression, but I forgot to tell my readers that the primary protagonists were time-travelling robots. This absent mindedness on my part led to some confusion for my readers in the finale when it began to rain and my heroine caught on fire.
- Specifics…
- Don't write and submit as quickly as possible. Remember all those things you notice after you've submitted? Maybe sit on it for a couple of days. Think about what you want in the story and revisit it. Check again that the edit makes sense—and then submit. If possible, go back and add character details, rhythm, etc.
- Try to read your piece with virgin eyes. What sounds funny? What doesn't make sense? What will make you stumble on a good read? Rewarding repeat reads is great, but the first time has to be special. ALSO you have to read the story more carefully than any of your readers. You have much more invested in this than they do, so you'll spot things they won't. Readers are big fat lazy slobs, and they want someone to do all the hard work for them. Never ever forget this. I find it helpful to write 'FAT SLOBS' on a postcard and keep it on my desk next to my laptop.
- Treat your reader! Think about the things you like to see in somebody else's story (mango and vodka!) and put them in your story. Who doesn't like getting bucket loads of treats?
- SOUL. GET SOUL. NEED SOUL. HAD SOUL BUT LOST SOUL? FIND SOME MORE SOUL. Soul is quite important in a story, and thanks to the vague and hazy definition of what SOUL is, you might often find readers complaining your story has a distinct lack of it. They'd like to be more helpful, sorry.
- Don't write entire words in upper case. It hurts my eyes.
- Surprise the reader, sometimes. Question their assumptions.
- Try to teach the reader something new and interesting in a fun and interesting way. For instance, I bet you never knew that there are no honey bees in Northern Ireland, did you?
- Be careful with the ugly stuff, and get ugly with the careful stuff.
- Don't repeat yourself unnecessarily. This rule was, in fact, the set up to an unnecessary repetition joke which I have now decided to cut. Don't be afraid to drop cherished elements of your story.
- Plot holes. Remember how they ruined Terminator 2 for you?
- Don't repeat yourself unnecessarily. Also, don't be afraid to cherish dropped elements of your story and throw them right back in there.
- AND THIS IS A BIG ONE. Think about the things you would really really like to do—like live life as a pirate—and write that into your story. Closely related to mango and vodka.
- Be very careful with tense shifts. This is a pet problem in my writing, but I'm sure I'm not alone.
- Have fun. This is one of those pieces of advice that also applies to life outside flash fiction writing. The same cannot be said for rule number 22.
- Say yes to strangers.
- I wrote a scene involving a romantic meal in a Chinese restaurant, and my friend Cortney read it and said "Chinese restaurants don't have romantic music." Sometimes you want to challenge your reader's bizarre prejudices(!) and sometimes you don't because it distracts them and takes them out of the story.
- Consistency is very important.
- Screw 'show don't tell'—do whatever you like. Too many people blindly repeat that without thinking about it.
The 'screw this' advice given there in rule 27 can apply to all so called rules of writing. Just remember though, when you're up to your knees in a telling-not-showing frenzy, that readers really like it when you have a good showing moment that involves them in figuring the story out for themselves. There's a reason why the rules started, so you'd better have a pretty good reason for breaking them.
Note to readers. The 'screw' in rule 27 is part of the made for television edit of this list. A director's cut, complete with previously unseen footage, can be obtained from the list's author.
About the Author
Christopher James lives, works, and writes in London, England. He has an eye on writing and living more, and working less, in other parts of the world. ]]>